Had a very interesting conversation with E the other day about the definition of "virgin." He was quite sure he knew what it meant, but about three sentences into our talk I had my doubts. So I asked him to define it, and he said, "It's someone who's never been married."
Uh-huh. Sort of. Kinda on the right track. Right?
We've had the sex talk before, at an age-appropriate level, about a year ago. At the end of that talk, he asked a very wise question: Do people do it when they're not trying to make a baby? To which I said, well, yes, sometimes. Why? he asked. Because it feels good, I answered. I'm not going to lie to the kid. I put it in the proper context (grownups who love each other and are in a longterm, committed relationship).
So this time, in the car last Sunday, I explained that technically a virgin is someone who's never had sex. "Oh," he said. And then, a beat later: "So I'm a virgin, right?"
"You bet," I said. "And I hope you'll stay that way for a long, long time."
Another beat. "So ___ [single 40ish female friend] is a virgin too, right?"
This time I was the one who took a pause. And then I said, "What makes you think she's a virgin?"
"Because..." and he said the next part slowly, as if he kind of knew it wasn't really right: "Because she isn't married and doesn't have kids?"
At which point I reminded him of the earlier birds-and-bees talk. Grownups do mostly have sex, I said. Because it feels good. For adults who love each other. In longterm, committed relationships.
He changed the subject shortly thereafter. Hasn't brought it up since. I'd really like to know whether it sank in, or which part sank in, anyway. And what he thinks about it all.
Of course, since he's a regular reader of this blog, I bet he'll tell me. And possibly you.